i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
