Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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