We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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