i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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