imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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