stop calling my apartment porn island.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
