I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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