tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
