Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
