how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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