This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
