I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Welp...herpes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
cat food counts as protein by the way
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
