Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
