i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
