we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
