i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
What drink are we having for lunch?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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