The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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