sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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