Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
