hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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