Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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