Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
