so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
