Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
