His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
