I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
