Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
