My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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