i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
