We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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