omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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