I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I deserve to be covered in dicks
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
