I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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