So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
