Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
