I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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