Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize