I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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