I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
