my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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