Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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