Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
