so explain again why im purple
no
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i think my cat just said my name.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
