how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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