Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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