who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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