Cold hands, warm shart.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
