I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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