I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
