I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
