grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize