would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
