I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
