She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
