So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
are you so shy because you have an std?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
