Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
