I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
