May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
