hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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