I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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