Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
