Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
