I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
