I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
