ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
