Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
