There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
