Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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