It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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