there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
