Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
