I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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